Angry Little Tree

while ($issue) {
  print "Hey, $issue is important!";
  print "You're being emotional! I refuse to discuss $issue.";
  print "OK, I've calmed down. Let's talk about $issue.";
  print "No one's angry about $issue; it's not important.";
}

while ($issue) {
  print "I think $issue is terrible, and I'm going to say so.";
  print "$issue isn't illegal; you have no right to say that!";
  print "OK, I'll try to change the laws about $issue.";
  print "Legislating morality is terrible and never works!";
}

while ($issue) {
  print "$issue is immoral and wrong!";
  print "$issue is just how people are. Too bad if it hurts you.";
  print "OK, I'll work to change peoples' minds.";
  print "This sucks, people hate me for supporting $issue now!";
}

while ($issue) {
  print "$issue is a serious problem that needs attention.";
  print "I don't think $issue is serious: show me examples!";
  print "Here's an exhaustive list of times when...";
  print "Why are you so obsessed with $issue?";
}