So I’m sitting in the Planet Fur tent right now as the clock rolls over to midnight, watching fireworks over the treeline and listening to the thunder of the explosions. Siri and Jason and Trin should be showing up any time now, or so we think.

It’s almost like new years eve - it feels like some kind of anticipation point, when things can tip one way or another depending on how the next few hours go.

I wrote about that a long time ago – that sense of hightened signifigance that creeps up on your sometimes. not like you’re being watched. More like… the background music is rising and there are eerie cellos.

A gorgeous blue and yellow cloud of sparkles erupted on the other side of the trees, silent for a second or two until the sound hit me.

Fur’s popping popcorn at a neighboring camp, and I’m just watching the show, with JJ. playing on the stereo.

“Are you ready to see everyone again?” Fur asked with admirable tact. I shrugged and said no. When is anyone ready to be reminded that they don’t measure up? It’s just one of those things?

I had a dream about M. last night, a strange one that I couldn’t remember for the longest time. When it finally came to me, I realized that I’d told her ‘no’ again in the dream. That’s one of the hardest things I can think of – volunteering to be alone. Maybe my psyche’s just trying to abuse me.

I just realized with a start that I’m sitting in the same place where jason, elisa and I stretched out on the grass to watch the fireworks back in ‘96, while Iona played. Weird moments of connection like that only heighten the feeling of signifigance; I need to kill the melodrama before I drown in it.

The grand finale is starting, with all the fireworks blending together in a crackling smoky sunrise. The popcorn’s done, Fur says.

Here’s to the story - I think this must be the end of chapter one.

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