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I found Barbie’s Blog.

I’ve been staring at this page for about five minutes and I can’t figure out whether it’s sickly slick marketing propoganda, or diabolically clever satire. From the biezer-curve anorexia of her flash animated ‘webcam’ to the crassly credit-fueled ‘girl power’ lifestyle she models to visitors, this site just… just… words fail me. I quote:

  • 10/31/2002 Great Party – Bad Luck. Every fabulous person in NY must have known about that party in SoHo last night! Totally packed. Some guy bumped into Madison and spilled cranberry juice on her new killer suede slouchy boots. OUCH! Gotta call her. I wonder if she’s recovered yet.

  • 11/4/2002 Hip Hop Rocks (so does Robbie)! Just chillin’, listening to some hip-hop. Burning copies of the hottest new CDs. Speaking of hot, it’s been 4 days since my cutie Robbie called. Not that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend or anything, but we definitely flirt. Hmmm… I wonder what’s up with that…

  • 11/6/2002 Play It Cool – But Look Hot. So Robbie finally called. His band is playing downtown tonight. I probably should play hard to get, but he is just such a hottie. No girl worth her credit cards could resist him. I must go fabulize.

  • 11/28/2002 Terrific T-giving! Caught part of the big parade on TV – always puts me in the holiday spirit. Then played hostess for a delicious dinner with the girls. Speaking of yummy… we stayed up super late having a movie marathon of our fave hunkster stars.

It’s like Mattel realizes that Barbie is losing her cultural icon status, as kids will soon be plugged into webcams and MP3 players the moment they’re ex-utero. So instead of advertising more little Malibou Dreamhouse dioramas with Ken, they’re trying to plug Barbie, The Ultra-Cool Girlfriend You Wish Would Accept You into the memespace of the blogging world. Come on, little girls! You might not have the money to buy all the clothes that would make you popular, you might not have a string of hip, scruffy boys following you around like puppies, you might not have an anorexic physique and a neck so long it must be alien… but Barbie does, by golly! And through her blog, you can live that fantasy life! (Just remember to download the wallpaper, purchase the accessories, and apply for credit as soon as you hit college.)

Can we organize a ping of death or something? Anyone? Anyone?

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